"It's the only way"

So - happy 2010!

So far, it's been interesting but don't get your hopes up - it's not like an "oooooh" kind of interesting, more like a dramatic, black and white moving picture (yes, I said moving picture 'cos I'm a pretentious git and I'd rather refer to it as moving picture rather than the colloquial "film") that makes you go "hmmm".

Things between Bitchboy and I went a little...shall we say...further.

Further as in, we've established that there are feelings involved, that we frustrate each other but in a good way, that he really does like me, he likes it when I bite his tongue when snogging and he has a big cock. We've also established that bitchboy is indeed a bitch as we made numerous plans to take this "thing" further, only for him to backtrack and shit all over what friendship we had.

So, let's take a trip down memory lane. The one formerly known as Bitchboy will be hitherto referred to as Shitface (SF). Things started heating up between SF and I during an annual company do - things happened but not all things as neither were prepared for those things but things in general happened (you following?) But amidst those things, nothing was said so that was pushed to the back of the mind and filed under "drunken fun".

Things carried on as normal, we lunched, walked and talked as before - then Christmas came. Then the drinks came. Then the snogs. Then more things happened - but things were also said. Plans were made (albeit drunken plans but still,...).

Christmas day = squish my heart and stamp on it til nothing remains.

Boxing day = hope.

New years = squished.

Couple days after new years = more hope, plans made. Result.

day after = squished and cancelled.

Can you see a pattern? SF will hitherto be known as as Cuntflap (CF)

It would have been nice had CF actually talked to me. Like, talked. You know, with words and sound rather than just text and beeps. It's painful having to sit near it, physically painful. Sometimes I feel sick. I just love the fact that he can sit there and pretend nothing happened.

It's making me angry. Like, violent angry. I want to grab the nearest pen/sharp object and ram it through his neck. But I won't because I need my job. The worst thing about this whole thing? If he said "jump" I'd probably (regardless of whats happened and my anger...) say "how high".

Tragically, I seem to have fallen in love with the wrong person. Again.