"Alter the Ending"

2 months later and I'm still in a state of flux. A LOT of things has happened since then though. In the spirit of keeping things concise, here's a summary:

• Bitchboy and I haven't spoken since we called off the "fun times"
• except when we're both drunk - however I remained sensible and said "No"
• The Awards party was fun, if not eventful.
• Bitchboy tried it on, I walked away
• Straight into the snogging lips of The Kiwi who was conveniently waiting
• The Kiwi offered to take me home which I kindly declined (not for any other reason apart from the fact that the crimson tide was due and that's just weird.)
• Bitchboy still tried to get it on when leaving the club
• I remained sensible.
• I had my very first "proper" one night stand with the Mountie
• Random stranger
• Even randomer location
• Bruised. Everywhere. I like things rough, but the bruises that resulted after that night just takes the biscuit
• I'm embarrassed about my actions (especially as it was VERY public) but I don't regret it - life experience and all that jazz - it's not like I'll ever see him again. Although I do remember telling him to call me when he's back from his travels... hmm.
• The Mountie added me on Facebook - awkward
• The Kiwi and I are in avoidance
• The Bitchboy is dickhead
• My job is in a phase of transition

Perhaps the most notable event of the last couple months is:

THE LION KING!

Ok, sad I know, BUT hear me out - I've been wanting to see the show since it first came out and when my friend mentioned that she wanted to see it I said "OOOH, let's go!" This was on a Tuesday lunchtime, by Tuesday 4pm, the tickets were booked and my friend and I were transformed from respectable 20somethings  to the blubbering excitable 13-14 year olds of years yonder time. I have never clapped and screamed in excitement so much in my life... There was a fear that I may have built the show up to be better than what it should be but I am happy to report that the show EXCEEDED my expectations and more!! It was totally awesome. AWESOME I tell you.  GO see it. 

Anyway. I'm working to get the Kiwi. This could be interesting as he's very shy and well, I'm not. 

Laters! 

"These are the thngs that make me free; I feel like I'm stuck in 'Stand by Me'"

Yesterday, a momentous thing happened - Bitchboy and I decided to call it quits with our drunken encounters. A few text messages and IM's later it was decided that we are better off as friends with former benefits. Apparently he felt a bit 'wrong' afterwards. Nice. Mind you, I did say I felt weird.

Which is fine, really.

...If the heart didn't decide to suddenly form some sort of attachment to Bitchboy. 

He admitted to liking someone else (we'll call her Pixie)  - good for him. Funnily enough, the person he likes tried it on with my brother. Awkward. 

We promised to be friends. In theory, it would work but in practice it really is quite difficult. I saw him hanging around Pixie and the beating ticker within my chest cavity suddenly decided to feel like it broke into a thousand pieces - it's not a nice feeling and quite difficult to bear in an occupational environment. I'm not sure what the ticker is telling me but it sure is starting to ache and I'm pretty sure that intense jealousy is at the heart of it...

Friendships are a fickle thing. Perhaps even more fickle than the weather. Fickle is a funny word is it not?

"It's the only way"

So - happy 2010!

So far, it's been interesting but don't get your hopes up - it's not like an "oooooh" kind of interesting, more like a dramatic, black and white moving picture (yes, I said moving picture 'cos I'm a pretentious git and I'd rather refer to it as moving picture rather than the colloquial "film") that makes you go "hmmm".

Things between Bitchboy and I went a little...shall we say...further.

Further as in, we've established that there are feelings involved, that we frustrate each other but in a good way, that he really does like me, he likes it when I bite his tongue when snogging and he has a big cock. We've also established that bitchboy is indeed a bitch as we made numerous plans to take this "thing" further, only for him to backtrack and shit all over what friendship we had.

So, let's take a trip down memory lane. The one formerly known as Bitchboy will be hitherto referred to as Shitface (SF). Things started heating up between SF and I during an annual company do - things happened but not all things as neither were prepared for those things but things in general happened (you following?) But amidst those things, nothing was said so that was pushed to the back of the mind and filed under "drunken fun".

Things carried on as normal, we lunched, walked and talked as before - then Christmas came. Then the drinks came. Then the snogs. Then more things happened - but things were also said. Plans were made (albeit drunken plans but still,...).

Christmas day = squish my heart and stamp on it til nothing remains.

Boxing day = hope.

New years = squished.

Couple days after new years = more hope, plans made. Result.

day after = squished and cancelled.

Can you see a pattern? SF will hitherto be known as as Cuntflap (CF)

It would have been nice had CF actually talked to me. Like, talked. You know, with words and sound rather than just text and beeps. It's painful having to sit near it, physically painful. Sometimes I feel sick. I just love the fact that he can sit there and pretend nothing happened.

It's making me angry. Like, violent angry. I want to grab the nearest pen/sharp object and ram it through his neck. But I won't because I need my job. The worst thing about this whole thing? If he said "jump" I'd probably (regardless of whats happened and my anger...) say "how high".

Tragically, I seem to have fallen in love with the wrong person. Again.

You've lost that loving feeling...

I refer to my previous post in which I mentioned boytoy and bitchboy.

Boytoy boyfriend is no longer boytoy boyfriend as the battle of heart vs. head came to a close. After a few dates with boytoy boyfriend it was clear that the aforementioned spark did not exist and refused to be ignited. We have therefore decided (amicably) to go our separate way but think of the past month (non consumated i might add!) as a life experience that will only enrich our lives and elevate our relationship to that of bestest friends ever.

Phew.

I was worried that if I broke it off with him, he'd be completely devastated (who can blame him?) and hate me forever, seems like I should have just been honest from the start. After a few dates it was obvious that I will never feel "that" for him. When I sat him down for "the chat" he looked hopeful but like he knew it was coming and looked somewhat defeated. He took it well but wants some "time to digest" which of course I will grant him, but it's cool. I'll just wait for him to come back.

It's a shame as he's a great great guy and any girl would be lucky to have him.

Bitchboy did mention (he's become somewhat of a confidante in the whole boytoy crisis) that he doesn't understand how girls minds work in that there's the perfect guy, hot looks, great personality, well off and just a generally fab bloke but I don't fancy him...what the hell? lol I retorted with "girls aren't ruled by cocks and rely on good ol' chemistry to govern their feelings" and to be fair, I don't think I could have said any better.

I just can't help that I'm a fussy ol' mare.

In terms of bitchboy... well I've given up on that fight. To be honest, I really don't want to know anymore as I think our working relationship is great and I don't want to ruin that in the meantime. I'm quite content with the way things are, of course there is always room for improvement but for the moment, if it ain't broke - why fix it?

Sexy! No No No!

Those that know me, know that I'm a lazy bugger and that anything concerning any amount of effort results in my not doing it, so imagine my surprise when I willingly (yes, WILLINGLY) went for a run (I know...doesn't sound right does it?) ok, ok so when I say run, I really meant walk really fast with the running motion, stop every 5/10 minutes when the body and lungs shut down momentarily and go home on the bus haha (hey, it's an uphill run home - that shit is advanced jogging and I'm still on beginner level!)

You see, this is all on my 5 year plan where the main aims are as follows:

1. To lose weight (ooh pudge be gone!)
   
2. To be healthy (moderate drinking and no smoking)
   
3. To be sexy(!)
4. To run a marathon (lmao)
5. To get married and start practising on breeding my army.
   

Obviously the last one is subject to terms and conditions and more than likely be struck from my objectives in the 2.5yr mark... but I hope not as somehow I got myself a boyfriend. Somehow. I'm still a little confused as to what happened but I woke up on Monday morning with a new boy toy (not literally as I kicked him out at 11pm Sunday.)

So last week, I had a somewhat amicable disagreement with my...let's say... "buddy" and we both agreed to go our separate ways. I phoned boytoy up to rant and he just said "shhh, I'll be there in a couple of hours". True to his words, in 122 minutes there was knock on my door and lo' behold was boytoy armed with a picnic hamper, wine and a bunch of flowers. Now boytoy and I have known each other for a while and my feelings for him (after the initial "omg! He's a bit fit innit") have been purely platonic, he's almost brotherly with the odd drunken snog. We can spend a whole week together tied at the hip and still be friends and laughing at the end of it... which is what my dillemma is about now; there is no "spark" with boytoy. None. Nada. Zilch. I admit I only agreed to being his girlfriend as there was wine flowing and it seemed a good idea at the time but thinking about it now - I'm a little apprehensive.

Whilst it may have been one of the most romantic nights of my life in terms of the whole wooing process and words spoken and whilst I can't think of a single reason why I should nip this in the bud, my heart is saying "NO! NO! NO!" HH says I should give it a chance, RS says giving it a chance could ruin our friendship. Hm. Tough.

Add bitchboy to the mix and it's just a cornucopia of crap. Bitchboy & I have that spark.... and it's getting awkward now as we're both trying to keep it on a platonic level. I have noticed though that while he talks a lot, he doesn't really talk much about himself.

Hm, I need to swap boytoy boyfriend for bitchboy boyfriend.