Emotions & Sex

It's become clear that these are two things that i cannot seem to distinguish from each other. This is dangerous.

"Elvis isn't dead cos I heard him on the radio..."

I seem to find myself in a slight bit of dilemma... I seem to have forged a fascination for the Kiwi. Which is not good as I have not really had a sober conversation with him... Awkward.

"Alter the Ending"

2 months later and I'm still in a state of flux. A LOT of things has happened since then though. In the spirit of keeping things concise, here's a summary:

• Bitchboy and I haven't spoken since we called off the "fun times"
• except when we're both drunk - however I remained sensible and said "No"
• The Awards party was fun, if not eventful.
• Bitchboy tried it on, I walked away
• Straight into the snogging lips of The Kiwi who was conveniently waiting
• The Kiwi offered to take me home which I kindly declined (not for any other reason apart from the fact that the crimson tide was due and that's just weird.)
• Bitchboy still tried to get it on when leaving the club
• I remained sensible.
• I had my very first "proper" one night stand with the Mountie
• Random stranger
• Even randomer location
• Bruised. Everywhere. I like things rough, but the bruises that resulted after that night just takes the biscuit
• I'm embarrassed about my actions (especially as it was VERY public) but I don't regret it - life experience and all that jazz - it's not like I'll ever see him again. Although I do remember telling him to call me when he's back from his travels... hmm.
• The Mountie added me on Facebook - awkward
• The Kiwi and I are in avoidance
• The Bitchboy is dickhead
• My job is in a phase of transition

Perhaps the most notable event of the last couple months is:

THE LION KING!

Ok, sad I know, BUT hear me out - I've been wanting to see the show since it first came out and when my friend mentioned that she wanted to see it I said "OOOH, let's go!" This was on a Tuesday lunchtime, by Tuesday 4pm, the tickets were booked and my friend and I were transformed from respectable 20somethings  to the blubbering excitable 13-14 year olds of years yonder time. I have never clapped and screamed in excitement so much in my life... There was a fear that I may have built the show up to be better than what it should be but I am happy to report that the show EXCEEDED my expectations and more!! It was totally awesome. AWESOME I tell you.  GO see it. 

Anyway. I'm working to get the Kiwi. This could be interesting as he's very shy and well, I'm not. 

Laters! 

"These are the thngs that make me free; I feel like I'm stuck in 'Stand by Me'"

Yesterday, a momentous thing happened - Bitchboy and I decided to call it quits with our drunken encounters. A few text messages and IM's later it was decided that we are better off as friends with former benefits. Apparently he felt a bit 'wrong' afterwards. Nice. Mind you, I did say I felt weird.

Which is fine, really.

...If the heart didn't decide to suddenly form some sort of attachment to Bitchboy. 

He admitted to liking someone else (we'll call her Pixie)  - good for him. Funnily enough, the person he likes tried it on with my brother. Awkward. 

We promised to be friends. In theory, it would work but in practice it really is quite difficult. I saw him hanging around Pixie and the beating ticker within my chest cavity suddenly decided to feel like it broke into a thousand pieces - it's not a nice feeling and quite difficult to bear in an occupational environment. I'm not sure what the ticker is telling me but it sure is starting to ache and I'm pretty sure that intense jealousy is at the heart of it...

Friendships are a fickle thing. Perhaps even more fickle than the weather. Fickle is a funny word is it not?

"It's the only way"

So - happy 2010!

So far, it's been interesting but don't get your hopes up - it's not like an "oooooh" kind of interesting, more like a dramatic, black and white moving picture (yes, I said moving picture 'cos I'm a pretentious git and I'd rather refer to it as moving picture rather than the colloquial "film") that makes you go "hmmm".

Things between Bitchboy and I went a little...shall we say...further.

Further as in, we've established that there are feelings involved, that we frustrate each other but in a good way, that he really does like me, he likes it when I bite his tongue when snogging and he has a big cock. We've also established that bitchboy is indeed a bitch as we made numerous plans to take this "thing" further, only for him to backtrack and shit all over what friendship we had.

So, let's take a trip down memory lane. The one formerly known as Bitchboy will be hitherto referred to as Shitface (SF). Things started heating up between SF and I during an annual company do - things happened but not all things as neither were prepared for those things but things in general happened (you following?) But amidst those things, nothing was said so that was pushed to the back of the mind and filed under "drunken fun".

Things carried on as normal, we lunched, walked and talked as before - then Christmas came. Then the drinks came. Then the snogs. Then more things happened - but things were also said. Plans were made (albeit drunken plans but still,...).

Christmas day = squish my heart and stamp on it til nothing remains.

Boxing day = hope.

New years = squished.

Couple days after new years = more hope, plans made. Result.

day after = squished and cancelled.

Can you see a pattern? SF will hitherto be known as as Cuntflap (CF)

It would have been nice had CF actually talked to me. Like, talked. You know, with words and sound rather than just text and beeps. It's painful having to sit near it, physically painful. Sometimes I feel sick. I just love the fact that he can sit there and pretend nothing happened.

It's making me angry. Like, violent angry. I want to grab the nearest pen/sharp object and ram it through his neck. But I won't because I need my job. The worst thing about this whole thing? If he said "jump" I'd probably (regardless of whats happened and my anger...) say "how high".

Tragically, I seem to have fallen in love with the wrong person. Again.

It's a new life, it's a new day for meeee

I applied for another job last night. It seems the love story between Pensions and I has come to a bitter end. I'm complacent and very very bored with it. Roll on Communications. I can be creative and sprout some uber bullshit so I'm perfect for it.

On a side note I've been asked to be the social rep for my department (me? really?) considering I hardly drink and I've quit smoking, my social calendar has all but dried up! I know hardly any places to go to hese days... this'll be interesting. The brief? Find a venue for 35 people for drinks/canapes/games. Sounds easy but when your department has an even mix of oldies and young guns with a shitload of opinions on what is 'cool' - it get's a bit frustrating.

I'm quite liking the sound of Volstead in Mayfair.

(500) days of Summer

was actually a strangely enjoyable film.

And is practically my life story.

"It might as well rain til' September..."

So in the wake of my stupidity I decided to try something new and go the whole hog the result of which is a date with D on Thurs. Ooh I'm scared and excited at the same time.

He seems nice but is a ginger. God. Can't get away from them.

"when it was just a fling before, now you're the one..."

Well this is weird. I may have really put my foot in it. Demanding an answer to "What the fuck do you want from me?" mid snog and pissed as a fart is not the way to end an otherwise perfect day. Not only does it end in awkwardness, guilt and blanking... it's makes you look a bit like a tit as well. Defo not recommended. So yeah. Not even an acknowledgement of existence since my infinite wisdom of opening gob. Crap lol.

On a lighter note (and slightly amusing) following my embarrassment in S____ town, I made my way to Watford for a night out where I forgot the wankers I was staying with were...well... wankers.

They thought it would be HILARIOUS to change all clocks, watches and phone times to be two hours later. I woke up at what I thought to 7.30am, panicked that I was late and rushed like mofo to work...only to realise after settling down at my desk that it was only 7 AM.

Fucking wankers. I am SO tired and can hardly keep my bloody eyes open

You spin me right round baby right round...

There it is again. Every once in a while, I'll get a message that'll headfuck me like a punch in the neck.

"I just don't know what to do with you"

Now, what the hell does that even mean? Apparently it goes something like this:

"We met weirdly and just nothing like that out of the normal should seem as good as it did - it's just something I struggle with"

Eh? What the fuck? I received that on Friday and have been mulling over it since then. I can't help it. I'm a girl. That's what I do. I analyse, dissect, assess and evaluate every minute detail, word and sigh. And I'm still stumped for a feasible explanation.

fucking confused.com over this one. What happened to the good old days of courtship when external factors weren't err... factored in!?