Frugal Santa

What a stingy bastard - I got FUCK ALL.

Looks like the credit crunch affected Santa after all.

Christmas pericombobulation!

What a load of nonsense.

This is really the time of mindfucked-ness!

List of things to do before the end of 2008:

1. Delete T from phone/msn/life as he's the perpetrator of all things heartbroken-ness
2. Stop seeing Ginger Ninja
   
3. Stop seeing Lipgloss boy
4. Stop being a magnet for useless boys
5. Dont even think about going for a tumble with Naughty P (I dont care if he is uber hot, uber rich and uber huuuuge - he's still married so auto NO)
6. Read Michael Heppels book on "How to be BRILLIANT"
7. Stop feeling sorry myself!

Ugh.

"He left you for a chav!"

LOL I forgot to mention that I went to a mini HB reunion dinner & drinks on Monday. It was bizarre seeing them. Some of which I havent seen since 2003. The instigator of the night was Mr RC who in the last 3 weeks has tried (obviously unsuccesfully) to end his life after his girlfriend dumped him, who I never really spoke to whilst working at HB, so I found it odd that he suddenly sent me a message to say 'How are you?'.

Sometimes I do hate common courtesy.

It seems automatic to respond to "how are you?" with "fine thanks and yourself?" but completely unexpected is when someone answers with "oh yeah, got taken to hospital, took about 180 tablets cos L broke up with me". I spent about 3 hours on damage control as the man has a child. And when the crux of the problem is that he cannot keep his dick in his pants, I shouldnt really give a toss about it. But hey I'm a nice person and decided to help and so came about a HB reunion.

Oh and I'm happy to report that RC is now dating CP who was part of the old HB crew, so soon after his attempted suicides. Sometimes I think men are just so stupid.

Anyway - invariably the conversation had to turn to SL and I at some point as also present in the roundup was P and J who's house SL & I always used to hang out at with our little bags of weed - they still speak to him on a constant basis and it seems that SL has been a little frugal with the truth.

He told them the relationship just broke down due to my moving up north - nothing to do with the fact that he already had another girlfriend on the go and texted me on my birthday to break up with me lol. Oh and he changed all his numbers. Nice. To think I wanted to marry him lol

It's beginning to look a lot like christmas....

I'm a little torn about Christmas. On one hand I love the whole getting together and appreciativeness of it but on the other I just find it's sometimes too commercial and contrived.

This Christmas I'm spending it with la famille and again at New Year. I'm hoping to make it a very chilled out chrimbo and make sure that I have as much fun as possible on minimal effort (i.e. inexpensive - considering I've already splashed out £750 on presents etc)

Here's to a happy Christmas to everyone!

"He banged you like a drum didn't he?"

Was what my friend M asked me about the ginger ninja yesterday. It's cringeworthy but a totally accurate account of Friday night.

So. My thighs are totally aching. Not just because of naughty things (lol) but because i've been ice-skating. Twice in a week! Can you imagine?!? Well some people have seen me on ice before and will vouch that I cant move more than 10 metres without screaming and thinking I'm going to die but I think I did really well these last couple of times. You'd have been proud. Yours truly glided across the ice like a zamboni. Well not really but I did move by myself without the inherent need to keep hold of the sides lol.

Our christmas work do was on Friday and I think I made up for the 29 days of sobreity. I was pissed as a fart but managed to hold my composure rather well in that I remember everything and do not regret my actions. Drinking in an office environment is strangely instantaneously gratifying. Like a finger up to the corporate world lol.

Drinking in the pub is better though - even better when there's a bar tab.

So yes, I was planning on going clubbing with C and M2 and H'tesh but as always the best laid plans always are the first to go out the window! I received a text from the Ginger Ninja about 10 pm saying sorry he hasn't spoken to me in a while and whether or not i'd like to meet up. At this point the stirring loins coupled with copious amounts of alcohol won the moral fight and I agreed, cutting down my drinking time by almost 4 hours for an hour of blissful shagging.

I managed to get to S___ train station in good time after hurriedly saying my goodbyes and merry christmasses to the colleagues most of which looked bewildered at the crazed look in my eyes - the women all guessed I was off for a booty call lol - He was waiting for me at the station bless him, he was freezing and in a non-usual public display of affection, he snogged my face off and gave me the biggest hug before we sprinted down to get a taxi to his flat for some sexy time haha.

Well it was literally a flying visit as I was out of there as soon as the formalities were done, not because it felt weird or anything (if anything, it strangely feels right) but because I wanted to be able to get inside my house before my brothers went to sleep as I forgot my keys.

Like I said before, it strangely feels right being with him pre and post coitally but its so fucking awkward any other time it pisses me off. The boy has the emotional range of a footstool. Mind you, I'm just a friend with benefits to him but somehow there are sparks there when we kiss or hold hands or hug. I daren't say owt to him just in case because he's not the emotions type of dude but it would be nice to know what he thinks. M seems to think that there are deeper feelings there...

Radio Ga-Ga

I've had a few people ask me on my radio silence about T, considering I blabbered non stop about it before and then suddenly; nothing.

So I thought I'd take this opportunity to clear the air and to mention it once so that I dont have to mention it again as I'm slightly bitter about it - I've basically given up on that notion. As much as I like him it was like trying to grab air in a capsule environment - fucking difficult nigh on impossible. Besides he keeps turning into the 'invisible man'. And it seems like I was the only one making an effort, in which case, there was no point in continuing.

Oh and there was the time when I stayed in a hotel 15 mins from where he lived and he didnt even bother coming to see me whereas my friend who lives 2 hours away made the effort and the drive to cheer me up. Ugh.

Disappointment was inevitable if not already realised.

But it will never be as bad as what SL put me through, that was 3 years of sheer torture. What can I say?

I'm a glutton for punishment lol.

So I thought I'd try my hand at poetry...

And actually wrote a poem. I kinda like it but somehow, it doesnt really feel like its from me because it reveals me as some sort of closet romantic but here goes;

Moonlight Gymnopedies
Your arms all around me,
cold fingertips thawed
by burning cheeks.

A ballerina in twilight,
twirling round and round.
Lunar rays bouncing from each
glowing strand of hair.

Stuttering heart beats
huddled close against
your granite chest.

My head resting
perfectly against
the cove of your shoulder.

We dance to the almost silent music.

Your lips brushing my hair
Your breath sweet against my ear,
drowning out the soft sounds
of Satie's Gymnopedies.

Tell me what you think? I seem to have caught the poetry bug.

Hello Life.

I've had a few epiphanies this past month (yes, I know -its been a while, but I have been very busy. Details to follow).

Anyway, epiphanies.

1. Milky Way Crispy Rolls are fantastically yummy
2. Milky Way Crispy Rolls are not good for your waistline
3. Financial qualifications aren't actually that difficult after 4 weeks of partying and 1 week of studying
   
4. Life deals out some shit but somehow you always manage to get along
5. I appreciate being alive

Notice how the last two was about life? - The reason for that is i'm grateful for it. Last week I nearly got squished and splattered by a fast moving train had it not been for the fast thinking of a train guard that yanked me out from the side of the platform, brain matter and various organs would have adorned the walls and pillars of platform 4 in ____ station. I dont really want to dwell on it because it was a traumatic experience but I'm glad in a perverse kind of way because it really does give you perspective. And it also makes one think. A LOT. A lot about this, a lot about that but mostly a lot about the direction life is taking.

I've come to the realisation that I'm lonely.

Yeah sure, I have friends and had boyfriends and 'buddies' but not someone.

Career-wise I think I'm doing well, I have a good job with nice people and I'm pushing myself through and getting out of my comfort zone. But emotionally? Wtf? I havent a fucking clue.

It just seems that the answer is forever eluding me.