Frugal Santa

What a stingy bastard - I got FUCK ALL.

Looks like the credit crunch affected Santa after all.

Christmas pericombobulation!

What a load of nonsense.

This is really the time of mindfucked-ness!

List of things to do before the end of 2008:

1. Delete T from phone/msn/life as he's the perpetrator of all things heartbroken-ness
2. Stop seeing Ginger Ninja
   
3. Stop seeing Lipgloss boy
4. Stop being a magnet for useless boys
5. Dont even think about going for a tumble with Naughty P (I dont care if he is uber hot, uber rich and uber huuuuge - he's still married so auto NO)
6. Read Michael Heppels book on "How to be BRILLIANT"
7. Stop feeling sorry myself!

Ugh.

"He left you for a chav!"

LOL I forgot to mention that I went to a mini HB reunion dinner & drinks on Monday. It was bizarre seeing them. Some of which I havent seen since 2003. The instigator of the night was Mr RC who in the last 3 weeks has tried (obviously unsuccesfully) to end his life after his girlfriend dumped him, who I never really spoke to whilst working at HB, so I found it odd that he suddenly sent me a message to say 'How are you?'.

Sometimes I do hate common courtesy.

It seems automatic to respond to "how are you?" with "fine thanks and yourself?" but completely unexpected is when someone answers with "oh yeah, got taken to hospital, took about 180 tablets cos L broke up with me". I spent about 3 hours on damage control as the man has a child. And when the crux of the problem is that he cannot keep his dick in his pants, I shouldnt really give a toss about it. But hey I'm a nice person and decided to help and so came about a HB reunion.

Oh and I'm happy to report that RC is now dating CP who was part of the old HB crew, so soon after his attempted suicides. Sometimes I think men are just so stupid.

Anyway - invariably the conversation had to turn to SL and I at some point as also present in the roundup was P and J who's house SL & I always used to hang out at with our little bags of weed - they still speak to him on a constant basis and it seems that SL has been a little frugal with the truth.

He told them the relationship just broke down due to my moving up north - nothing to do with the fact that he already had another girlfriend on the go and texted me on my birthday to break up with me lol. Oh and he changed all his numbers. Nice. To think I wanted to marry him lol

It's beginning to look a lot like christmas....

I'm a little torn about Christmas. On one hand I love the whole getting together and appreciativeness of it but on the other I just find it's sometimes too commercial and contrived.

This Christmas I'm spending it with la famille and again at New Year. I'm hoping to make it a very chilled out chrimbo and make sure that I have as much fun as possible on minimal effort (i.e. inexpensive - considering I've already splashed out £750 on presents etc)

Here's to a happy Christmas to everyone!

"He banged you like a drum didn't he?"

Was what my friend M asked me about the ginger ninja yesterday. It's cringeworthy but a totally accurate account of Friday night.

So. My thighs are totally aching. Not just because of naughty things (lol) but because i've been ice-skating. Twice in a week! Can you imagine?!? Well some people have seen me on ice before and will vouch that I cant move more than 10 metres without screaming and thinking I'm going to die but I think I did really well these last couple of times. You'd have been proud. Yours truly glided across the ice like a zamboni. Well not really but I did move by myself without the inherent need to keep hold of the sides lol.

Our christmas work do was on Friday and I think I made up for the 29 days of sobreity. I was pissed as a fart but managed to hold my composure rather well in that I remember everything and do not regret my actions. Drinking in an office environment is strangely instantaneously gratifying. Like a finger up to the corporate world lol.

Drinking in the pub is better though - even better when there's a bar tab.

So yes, I was planning on going clubbing with C and M2 and H'tesh but as always the best laid plans always are the first to go out the window! I received a text from the Ginger Ninja about 10 pm saying sorry he hasn't spoken to me in a while and whether or not i'd like to meet up. At this point the stirring loins coupled with copious amounts of alcohol won the moral fight and I agreed, cutting down my drinking time by almost 4 hours for an hour of blissful shagging.

I managed to get to S___ train station in good time after hurriedly saying my goodbyes and merry christmasses to the colleagues most of which looked bewildered at the crazed look in my eyes - the women all guessed I was off for a booty call lol - He was waiting for me at the station bless him, he was freezing and in a non-usual public display of affection, he snogged my face off and gave me the biggest hug before we sprinted down to get a taxi to his flat for some sexy time haha.

Well it was literally a flying visit as I was out of there as soon as the formalities were done, not because it felt weird or anything (if anything, it strangely feels right) but because I wanted to be able to get inside my house before my brothers went to sleep as I forgot my keys.

Like I said before, it strangely feels right being with him pre and post coitally but its so fucking awkward any other time it pisses me off. The boy has the emotional range of a footstool. Mind you, I'm just a friend with benefits to him but somehow there are sparks there when we kiss or hold hands or hug. I daren't say owt to him just in case because he's not the emotions type of dude but it would be nice to know what he thinks. M seems to think that there are deeper feelings there...

Radio Ga-Ga

I've had a few people ask me on my radio silence about T, considering I blabbered non stop about it before and then suddenly; nothing.

So I thought I'd take this opportunity to clear the air and to mention it once so that I dont have to mention it again as I'm slightly bitter about it - I've basically given up on that notion. As much as I like him it was like trying to grab air in a capsule environment - fucking difficult nigh on impossible. Besides he keeps turning into the 'invisible man'. And it seems like I was the only one making an effort, in which case, there was no point in continuing.

Oh and there was the time when I stayed in a hotel 15 mins from where he lived and he didnt even bother coming to see me whereas my friend who lives 2 hours away made the effort and the drive to cheer me up. Ugh.

Disappointment was inevitable if not already realised.

But it will never be as bad as what SL put me through, that was 3 years of sheer torture. What can I say?

I'm a glutton for punishment lol.

So I thought I'd try my hand at poetry...

And actually wrote a poem. I kinda like it but somehow, it doesnt really feel like its from me because it reveals me as some sort of closet romantic but here goes;

Moonlight Gymnopedies
Your arms all around me,
cold fingertips thawed
by burning cheeks.

A ballerina in twilight,
twirling round and round.
Lunar rays bouncing from each
glowing strand of hair.

Stuttering heart beats
huddled close against
your granite chest.

My head resting
perfectly against
the cove of your shoulder.

We dance to the almost silent music.

Your lips brushing my hair
Your breath sweet against my ear,
drowning out the soft sounds
of Satie's Gymnopedies.

Tell me what you think? I seem to have caught the poetry bug.

Hello Life.

I've had a few epiphanies this past month (yes, I know -its been a while, but I have been very busy. Details to follow).

Anyway, epiphanies.

1. Milky Way Crispy Rolls are fantastically yummy
2. Milky Way Crispy Rolls are not good for your waistline
3. Financial qualifications aren't actually that difficult after 4 weeks of partying and 1 week of studying
   
4. Life deals out some shit but somehow you always manage to get along
5. I appreciate being alive

Notice how the last two was about life? - The reason for that is i'm grateful for it. Last week I nearly got squished and splattered by a fast moving train had it not been for the fast thinking of a train guard that yanked me out from the side of the platform, brain matter and various organs would have adorned the walls and pillars of platform 4 in ____ station. I dont really want to dwell on it because it was a traumatic experience but I'm glad in a perverse kind of way because it really does give you perspective. And it also makes one think. A LOT. A lot about this, a lot about that but mostly a lot about the direction life is taking.

I've come to the realisation that I'm lonely.

Yeah sure, I have friends and had boyfriends and 'buddies' but not someone.

Career-wise I think I'm doing well, I have a good job with nice people and I'm pushing myself through and getting out of my comfort zone. But emotionally? Wtf? I havent a fucking clue.

It just seems that the answer is forever eluding me.

Well spank my arse and call me Charlie.

I'm an idiot.

Or as my little 4 yr old friend says, I'm a 'poo poo head numpty'

One should know by now that expectations are rarely fulfilled and can only lead to slight disappointment.

I hope this isn't an indication of the year ahead - I think its time I had a good year for once! 2008 has already been a bummer but hey - not long left!

Roll on the New Year, the New Kate is itching is to come out.

Lobster-face

My chin looks like its been through the wars. I'm not liking the peeling effect that T's unshaven face has caused on my chin! Argh.

On the plus side, my ego feels pretty good as a bunch of builders whistled at me earlier. Must be the killer heels. They are pretty sexy - and when you wear sexy shoes you automatically feel sexy yourself so goddamn it I worked that little tush side to side and gave a wink at the end of the road (lmao).

Dinky Chinky

Is now apparently my new name mainly owing to the fact that I'm a short arse at 5'1 and that I'm chinkified.

So last night, T and I met up after 9 years of frustration and missed opportunities. To say it was awkward in the first five minutes is an understatement - we were both bricking it and scared shitless that the other wont like the other - but it seems our fears were unfounded as after I decided to break the ice but pulling him in and snogging his face off, we do actually get on really well. Its funny though because he's quite a forgetful person but he remembers pretty much everything I've said - silly shit like 'i dont blush pink, i blush orange' and 'I have yellow feet' (lmao) but ask him what my birthday is and he's like 'huh?'

I kept teasing him telling him its because he's an old git - at 25, he's fooking ancient lol.

So anyway, we decided to have a couple of drinks and ventured into the first pub we came across, I downed my first pint pretty quickly mainly because I just wanted a bit of dutch courage lol - as a first proper date, I dont think it could have gone any better! Drinks, bowling, a LOT of kissing and THE most AMAZING sex EVER.

Ok, I know - you shouldn't give it up on the first date but technically we have known each other for 9 years so there has to be exceptions to that rule right?

Whatever, I dont care - the man is a sex beast. With a fantastic tongue. I love it. Grroaaar.

Sexual prowess aside, he's a lovely chap and really easy to get on with and oh my god, i LOVE his kisses. If we werent fucking we were snogging or talking. It felt pretty good.

I like where this is going but I'm not holding out for anything because god knows the last time I did that it didnt quite work out so well. But its weird, I've always had a little something for him and now somethings happened, I dont quite know how to react.

I just hope he has a clean shave next time I see him to avoid this redness on my face and inner thighs. Benefit Boi-ing concealer #02 is not cheap you know!

Roll on the 19th...it seems like a fucking age away!

And so it is....

So.

Just a quick update:

1) Stalker boy is no longer stalker after an implication with the police regarding his stalking.
2) I have a date with T today to see if we can take things further
3) Work is still poo
4) I met up with lipgloss boy and realised that I've made a very very good friend in him (in a totally platonic way - we both mentioned how glad we were that we didnt work out because the way it is now is so good) He came over at midnight on Saturday and spent until 8am together - it was pretty cool and we spent the entire time talking about anything and everything. I love that guy.
5) My boss is leaving and I actually shed a tear because he's a lovely old bloke and knows his shiznit.
6) I found out my bonus entitlement and lets just say I'm a very, VERY happy bunny.
7) I'm excited over my date with T - yay
8) Have I mentioned how excited I am for my date with T?
9) Lets just reiterate the excitement.
10) Umm.. thats pretty much it.

Uh-oh - we're in trouble...

Well, kind of. It seems like I've gained a stalker (maybe thats a bit harsh but he's definitely a over-keen weirdo).

4 days in and he's already declaring his 'like' and wants to make things exclusive...'erm...hello? Wtf? I dont even think he's attractive. Its awful. The whole situation is awful.

He looks like Pob and its quite offputting. He also walks like a penguin. He's a nice guy and I'm sure he'd make a girl very happy one day but its never going to be me.

Besides I want T.

I dont know how to say 'erm..actually you repulse me, please go away'

Well I might as well just say that.

Pissing in the wind of old age...

I've just come back from a weekend in good Ol' Yorkshire. I Love York but it seems I've outgrown it now... it just doesnt feel the same anymore and trying to recreate the "ahhh it feels like home!" feeling just doesn't cut it anymore.

Have I changed? Am I still me? Have I grown up?

A recent conversation with a very good friend had prompted me to ask these self directed questions after she commented on my 'nature' and how I'm more responsible (yeah right) and more future orientated rather than living in the now. Apparently I'm more me, now, than I was then, as I used to adapt my persona to match whoever I was with (with me so far?) and that I was always all about the fun fun fun never about the future and its consequences - now I'm more careful, care about consequences and am a damn sight more sensible.

It must be all this retirement planning crap I'm doing - you know, I'm actually looking forward to getting old, sitting by the patio on a rocking chair and throwing stones at children (or something not directly traceable back to me...) but the weirdest thing of all?

...I'm actually wanting to settle down.

Give me a cup of tea and a good book over going out clubbing anyday, give me a 3 course home cooked meal over a dinner with the girls in a posh fancy restaurant (cheaper and more intimate!)

And bloody hell, I cant believe I'm saying this - Give me a cuddle and a snog whilst watching telly over a 3 hour hour fuck marathon.

Shit, I don't think I like getting old.

Round up the Dial-up experience

Ahh doesnt it just bring tears to your eyes? Bring back memories? The wonderful sound of modem workings? Isnt it wonderful? Of course not - i've been stood in my kitchen (the only place with a phone socket) for what seems like an eternity waiting for a page to download - I know i've made a few snide comments about broadband and how slow it can be sometimes but OH MY GOD i never realised that Dial Up was THIS slow.

But it does bring back memories of Napster and when a 4.5kb/s connection was considered "fast" and downloading a single MP3 file would render you useless for a good half an hour while you avidly watch the bar and think "wow its zoomin!" only to be cut off by the person you're downloading from 20 seconds before the end (i'm SO SORRY to anyone i EVER did that to lol)

As soon as broadband was introduced (or IDSN lol yeah baby! 64K!) we had it then upgraded everytime something better came along - right now my parents are cruising at a wonderful 8mb connection whilst I slug (literally) it out with a humble 42.6kbps (overall) connection. Waiting for a 3mb file has so far taken me 45mins with another10 mins left. Is there no such thing as multi tasking (or multi page browsing) when it comes to dial up? So far ive managed to cook some Super Noodles, eat a Fab ice lolly, make some home made lemonade (for real) and watch a bit of Strictly Come Dancing recorded on Sky+ from Saturday and Sunday.

And who said Dial Up was a waste of time?

Its been a real retro-like month this month - i've had to revert to non-luxury and live on a VERY tight budget (as in £0.00 for the month - I have money but I do need to get to work and with fares of £23 a day, its a bit much) i'm just lucky Dad did some shopping otherwise i'd be starving to death. But then again this new found state of poverty isnt all too bad - I've not had a cigarette in a while (frankly cant afford the fuckers but if anyone offers i WILL spark up on I have a cold so its probably best not to), i've walked to the station everyday (woo leg muscles - not good if i dont wanna end up having man legs) and the lack of luxuries like sweets is making me eat fresh fruit a lot more (i have an apple a day and a salad everyday - I would check my weight but we cant afford scales either cos I dropped the others down the stairs! hahaha.

On a lighter note, Roll on April for Independence! My ex housemate is thinking of moving down South and has asked me to be her flatmate again - the plan is for April next year and frankly I cant wait.

Perplexing matters of the Heart.

Can things get even more confusing?

When it comes to meaningful meanderings of la coeur, I'll be the first to put my hand up and say 'WTF mate?' (cos you know, I'm like, Sooo Street).

As with my previous postings, T is now back in the picture and its a very big picture. It's also sending my head spinning with discombobulation and enforces the girly emotions of "omg does he like me? Really? Maybe I'm not good enough? Why isn't he texting me? I texted him about 5 seconds ago! AARGH!"

Needless to say he's becoming a pain my beautifully ghetto booty.

The other night we were talking about getting together and I'm all for it but holding back to not seem desperate (lol) then he changes subject... HEY! what the hell! Then he goes all meaningful and starts talking about relationships and friendships and the acceptable balance of the two... it's like he's lulling me into a false sense of security then spamming me on the forehead with an upturned palm. Shocking how that boy gets me all riled up.

Yesterday we got to the subject of kids. I like to take the piss out of gingers (no offence to the ginger population - I do love you guys, take it as a sign of my affection) and remarked to him that if I ever have kids, as karma, they'll pop out with a full head of nuclear carrots to which he responded "If you ever? Don't you want kids?" I answered with the ambiguous "Someday". He says "Good answer!" - I wanted more information so I asked if he wanted any, he also said "Someday". The conversation carried on as follows:

K -"I'd like them before I'm 30"
T - "I was just thinking, after 30 - we could time it pretty well..."
K- "I'm having your kids now am I?!"
T-"Well yes, you are, go figure"
K- slight grimace and hesitant laugh "well if we do it'll be gorgeous as half filipino's are always gorgeous"

It carried on to say that it'll look like me but have his eyes and nose.

I'm a bit scared but slightly excited and fucking confused as hell - am I reading too much into it? Its not like we're exclusive and what you can call a 'couple'

But one thing's for sure - I'd like to be.

Emoticons Hidden Agenda....

Read this

I have to admit I havent read such an interesting blog entry as the one quoted below. Also I cant help but think that the person who wrote it must have been either very bored, ver drunk, engaging in some sort of drug taking or as I concluded to myself; a bloody genius. Read his blog here. Its an interesting read and reads like a (superflous) novel. (Not necessarily a bad thing)

----------

Emoticon's hidden agenda.

We all know that emoticons don't really represent anything other than subtle political messages.

This is of course not a definitive guide on how you should interpret the emoticons that sneak into various blocks of text, but it is a small selection of the few I've encountered and whose true intentions have been revealed through the context of the words that held them.

They are often used as a way of shorthand to drive a message unknowingly through the internet without raising suspicion. And is also why I never use them, for fear my communiqué would be misconstrued and leave the reader bewildered by the ambiguity between the lines, not that I don't like to engage in parisology.

Needs more spin.

Freedom of speech erosion.

State oppression.

Nuclear blast, protective eyewear recommended.

Cloneing.

Watch the skies.

Something in the water.

Police enforcment with tear gas.

Religious fanatasicm.

Global warming.

Turning into a brussel sprout.

Zombie attack.

With such knowledge at our disposal we can reveal the following cryptic message:

Once deciphered it reads: "Religious fanatics create clones of themselves and contaminate the water with a malevolent concoction to turn the drinker into a brussel sprout".
There was a certain amount of imaginative thinking to fill in between the points illustrated by the emoticons, but this is only necessary to refashion the message into readable English.

Unfortunatly, this was a message relayed to me a few days ago under the most hideous of circumstances. My poor friend had discovered the nefarious activities of the religious cult, "Faith of the sprout" and their vile designs for us non-believers. I have recently lost contact with my friend, and now fear the worst for his situation, I can only hope he is safe. As I do also hope we are all safe from the insidious threat of these mad men.

haha. Its brightened up my day and reinforces my theory of religious zealots.

A fine day for performance

I awoke with a bang this morning.

Literally.

I rolled off my bed at approx 5.30am this morning and am now the proud owner of a bump on my forehead.

Fine start to the day i thought so i prepared the necessities; made a packed lunch, breakfast, monster cup of tea to kick start my bladder and a snowball for vintage-ness. 57p for 4 which I thought was rather cheap for small yet calorific piece of history. Did you know they've stayed the same size since 1945? I thought that was riveting information that. Intriguing.

IT services will probably look at my work account and think "what the poop does this girl do? does she ever do any work?!" The wonderful answer to that is No. You see, i feel its against my religion (ha) and besides I believe that working is detrimental to my career and personal development.

However my views on "working" CAN be swayed by a higher paycheque.. anyway with the anti-work-but-pay-me-lots way of thinking I embarked on a journey to do as little as possible but make myself look as busy as hell. What's the best way? Phone calls :-) they really are a godsend.tap tap tap on the keyboard with the odd grimace and the occassional "oh no, really?" to my good friends Mr MD and Mr AE whilst in reality talking about the previous nights shenanigans.

Spot the Blogger.

Blogs are scary things - they can be an extension of ones self, an outlet to vent in, a diary, somewhere to tell people about yourself, a place to show off in or just something you just happened to stumble upon and dont know how to delete.

Whatever the purpose, blogs are just bizarrely weird - i still dont understand them yet they are quite addictive as one gets sucked in to the world of another. The whole writing of blogs is a strange little process as you really have to be imaginative wth what you put in so that more people will read and appreciate you... Does this mean blogs are just an ego boosting means equivalent to you just wanting to know what you'd look like if u didnt eat so much cake?..servin the same purpose as like a pretty (so to speak) mirror? Because blogs can deceptive because one is never as exciting as the person than what the blog portrays you to be - theres always gonna be some sort of pizazz when it comes to blogs.

Dont get me wrong I know i'm a boring bitch so dont go getting your knickers into a twist cos you think i think you're a liar and a show off because thats not entirely true, dont tell me you've never glossed up an event or a description of somebody/something when writing for something, be it a diary, blog, journal etc (same thing).

Back to the point, i'm not saying any derogatory things. i'm just pondering and blogs are just there to make you look just that lil bit more presentable to the world and i'm still pondering. I suppose i'm just in a pondering kinda mood, i ponder this and i ponder that and i like pondering random things like the subject in question that I pondered over... and also I ponder about how many times i'll be able to use the word ponder and all its derivatives...? hmm. lo behold a ponderingly perplexing subject to articulately explain.

i have no idea what i'm getting at...must stop drinking and seeing Charlie. Must also stop using the word ponder.

Germs

Germs... ugh.

Apparently if you flush the toilet without putting the seat cover down the germs can jump up to 10ft high out the bowl and infiltrate toothbrush bristles if kept in the same room? eugh. innit

Differential Artistic-ness in surreality.

"There are 6,446,131,400 people in the world...All you need is One"

I suppose it puts the context of love into perspective - however, what if that Ones' one isn't you? You're pretty much buggered arent you? What do you do then? What if the One for you is also the One for someone else? Or worse still, what if you go through your life without ever knowing the One? and vice versa? Makes you think huh? I've been doing a lot of that lately of which this quote is the derivative (goddamn it). It made me think about what I knew, what i'd like to know and who i'd want to share it with.

Then my thoughts kinda went off on a tangent. What DO i really KNOW? Do i know ANYTHING?

Knowledge is something that is highly important to the intellectual world, well... to the civilised world for that matter. Knowledge is something that is attained, something that is aspired to and something that is wanted by pretty much everyone. But it also is something that very few people (Lets say the entire earth population is 100 - i'd say that "few people" would represent around 6 of those 100 people) understand - the more you find out, the more you realise the less you know.

We as a race have an unquenchable thirst for knowledge, but why? what are we going to do with all that knowledge?

This is where wisdom comes in. Now wisdom is defined by Cambridge University Press as

wisdom noun [U]the ability to use your knowledge and experience to make good decisions and judgements

A definition that I wholeheartedly agree on, as what is the point of knowledge when there is no authority for application? whats the point of all this knowledge if you dont know how to apply it to everyday life or even use it? I suppose logic and common sense would be termed with wisdom as not many possess such qualities but deem themselves knowledgeable and in short, powerful as they possess all this knowledge (Little knowledge is a dangerous thing) but what is even more dangerous is the lack of wisdom, which subsequently develops into corruption as (and remember this lovely formula):

knowledge+power-wisdom=corrupt ugly Nitwits that suck (all that you're worth and milk you for more)

(Kn+Po)-Wi = CUNTS
LEECHS

wisdom is imperative in our quest for knowledge but it is sadly overlooked for our greed to know more, We should be aspiring to be more wise rather than to know it all as knowledge without wisdom is basically an assumption and we all know that that is very dangerous. And i would SO go on to explain my thoughts on assumptions but i'll use my wisdom and leave it for another day.

High Falutin' Ways.

I get it, I'm psuedo-arrogant. I will judge you if you use poor grammar, I will look down on you if you're scruffily dressed, I will turn my nose up at you if you talk like a moron and I will fantasise about smacking you on the head with a rotten mackerel if you use 'txt spk' outside of sending text messages.

Ugh!

Ok - I am a snob but seriously... txt spk was developed to save character space for sms messages back in the days of when text messages could only handle 160 characters but that grew to 360 so what the hell!? and emails.... WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU NEED TO USE TEXT SPEAK ON EMAILS! AAAHH!


Oh. And I especially hate it if you call me 'Kiiiiiite' instead of 'Kate'

Email Push & Sugar Rush

Technology is a scary thing. I still remember back in the old school days of Dial up and how 128k download speeds were regarded in the highest echelon of t'internet world.

Where are we now? With download speeds in terrabytes, dial up connections and isdn in rarity - we're in the age of technology where even washing machines and refrigeration units have internet access (actually quite useful in the morning whilst swigging orange juice straight from the carton, you can check your gmail for any gossip...maybe thats just me though)

It's scary how in this day and age one cannot walk down the street without seeing a suited Blackberry-er with RSI thumbs (myself included) and without hearing middle management spiel blurted out like aural diarrhoea as well as the inability to confirm availability without consulting ones' calendar. Whatever happened to good old fashioned ways? "Yeah, lets go for a drink - any day next week" as opposed to "Yes, lets go for a drink, cant do Tues I have a tender to submit on Weds, Fri I have a conf call with the Singapore office...you know what, check my online calendar and book some time in I'm sure I can squeeze in an hour!" ARGH.

I hate how I'm turning into one of those people.

I'm beginning to develop paddle-like thumb bases from where my thumbs are permanently typing away on a blackberry. I feel like a numpty.

But I do LOVE my blackberry.

I think I've completely lost my way of thinking for this post...

bewilderness.

Yes, I realise "bewilderness" is not a proper word but it sums up what my head feels like today. Bewildered and empty like the wilderness.

Cancelled on Lipgloss boy last night following a text message that said "will you wear your hair in pigtails so I can grab and wear lots of lipgloss? xx" Umm, no I will not - my perfectly coiffed hair will not be subject to any grabbing thank you very much. I knew he was a bit 'off' but seriously? Bringing my hair into it is so not cool. Lipgloss I can manage and tolerate but between whimpers of 'go on put some more on' and 'i've bought you this flavour to try on' - methinks its getting a bit weird.

Oh well there goes Lipgloss boy again. Its such a shame cos he's ever so hot.

Right lets concentrate on T. Ohh yeah. Now he's HOT.

ohhh a Owange Chickeh es Berry Berry Goo.

The love of my life is now back in the picture. How annoying? T is back from wherever he disappeared to and me being a numpty cant help but feel all giddy when his name is mentioned, when he texts and when he's near.

Is 8 years of unrequited love and lust enough? Or will he make me wait some more lol. I havent seen him for over 5 years yet he still has a hold over me. Its a shame I moved from London otherwise it could've been a completely different story.

We've been texting again and had a little chat on msn for a catch up and my god - arrrgh, HOT! I asked him for a photo just to see how he's grown up (lol) and he looks so much better than I can remember. I think we're meeting up for some drinks on the 19th. Watch this space because if it all goes well, Lipgloss boy is going buh-bye.

Is it too stalker-ish to say I want his babies?

I love Ben and I also love Jerry.

I'm sat here scoffing my face full of Cookie Dough with the occassional spoonful of Piece of Cake and Phish Food. Yum Yum.

Its Sunday which means its Ben & Jerry's day in my household. Dont even bother telling me about the calories & carbs involved because its Sunday I aint gonna listen to shit.

I got horrifically drunk on Friday and Saturday and I *may* have made a twat out of myself at the pub but it happens - you feel dirty for a while but that goes away...And I'm pretty sure I didnt do a dance on the table so I'm sure Monday won't be so embarrassing but I did say some pretty terrible stuff to a friend. I hope they see the funny side of it cos I certainly did, judging by the flashbacks and the recording of my cackle and various photos.

So yeah. Friday night was the MD's birthday (seeing the MD in a nurses outfit is not only rather disturbing but it also desensitises you to when he's angry because you'll just get that image in your head and cant help but laugh inwardly. Laughing on the outside will probably see you get the sack so best not to do that!) The free bar for the night made up for the disturbing images and fustian language. I managed to crawl to the station for 11 and made it back to the home counties for 12.30am. I was horrified to see the taxi bill come up to £12! I bet they took advantage of my inebriated state. The bastards.

I got home safe. I got to the door safely but after 30 mins of fumbling for my keys I realised I dont actually have my keys... so I made my way to the back garden and set up a makeshift bed in the shed where I promptly passed out til 1pm the next day with a godawful hangover and a spiderweb in my vicinity. Surprisingly I didnt scream. If I did my head would've exploded. The walk of shame to the front door followed by my dad looking at me queerly and calling me a dirty lil stopout. I hurriedly pointed out that I was in fact home at a reasonable time and proceeded to prove to him by showing him my makeshift bed. He was impressed and slightly disgusted that I managed to fall asleep with all those creepy crawlies cos usually I wouldnt even enter a room if so much as a spiderweb or a moth is present.

Saturday was good. Charlie & I were reacquainted for the first time in a long while and I have to say I love him. He's such an expensive habit though.

Doowops & Cherry pops

Last night.... lets just say Cherry lipgloss.

Its amazing what one (or two) can do in a couple of hours.

Nasal whingings & Carrot Bingeing.

Again, I've been uber negligent in updating this bastard blog. But hey - I've been busy with life and stuff you know?

Am feeling slightly discombobulated today. Worries of past actions and anxiety of future developments are enough to send one into a quarter life crisis! Actually, I lie, its not been that bad lately. Its been pretty chilled. As you know (or not) I've been living back at the parental home in Chavs-ville (why oh why did I subject myself to that torture?!) and its been difficult to get settled due to maternal hasslings, greed and her eternal laziness. But thats been somewhat resolved in her move to Eastbourne (YAY!) and home life has been smooth sailing since (apart from her monthly 5 day visits which really does get on my tits)

Umm..whats been happening since the last entry... umm. My aunt visited from Hong Kong. Everytime she comes over, this whole other person resides in my body like a parasite! I find myself talking in clipped tones, using proper grammar and limiting gesticulation to the odd hand wave. Its like I've turned into an even more arrogant bitch with delusions of grandeur looking down the common masses trying to emulate my aunt. The entire week was spent tailing her around various shopping complexes and standing by fitting rooms appropriately cooing 'oooh that looks wonderful' and 'of course it doesnt make your bum look big, in fact the A line of skirt skims over your hips thus accentuating your tiny waist line and smooth calves'Gok Wan would've been proud.

I love shopping to a certain extent but more than 3 hours in the same shop is just stupid and a waste of time. I like to go in, pick out stuff, pay and go home. 4 hours in an department store selling only household goods is not a fun way to spend a day. But I've now found the best way for her to put down whatever product she's picked up and move on to the next shop

"Do you really need it? Will you use it? Is it worth it?"

To which she'll sigh and say 'I suppose you're right' and return the product to shelf. I found that tactic reduced my shop waiting time by 46% and my feet are eternally grateful.

So yeah, family rant over. Phew.

Anyway. Fit married man is no longer part of my little circle due to a moral epiphany I had (I know, morals! What the hell?) I gave him the bullshit of 'It's not you, it's me' and 'we're from different circles' tripe. Which he graciously acknowledged but vowed we should remain friends - except when he's drunk and he sends me suggestive messages which are promptly moved to the deleted folder.

I'm now seeing Jimbob again (you know, lipgloss boy? I might just start calling him lipgloss boy.) Except he's added pigtails to the mix. Which is a bit odd.

Its all a bit odd, its like my body and brain are at war with each other - body says 'omg you havent had a fuck since 23 May' and my brains like 'you don't need a fuck - you're a strong independent woman, invest in a Rabbit'. Whats a girl to do? All the feminist bullshit is derogatory.

I might rape lipgloss boy tonight - perhaps tonight mind and body will be simultaneous in their decision.

blepharospasticated ways.

My eye keeps twitching. Just random twitching. I'll be looking at a computer and suddenly my eye vibrates and I feel like I've just been through an earthquake. Googling the symptoms, I found out its due to stress and fatigue...maybe I need some time off.

Fit married man is dirrrty. My sms inbox is full of 'naughty' things - its a weird thing, my inbox is usually so innocent with the odd message from the maternal body telling me to go to Tesco's and buy some spinach. Perhaps my voyeuristic side is coming out because somehow I quite enjoy receiving these naughty messages. Makes me wonder though if he sends them to other people. The dirty little 6'5 fucker. It'll be videos and video messages of masturbatory content next and at that point in time I'll be saying my adieus'.

I'm rather scared right now, I have to do the Certificate in Financial Planning and the first exam is on the 15th August, the second is on 22nd August and I only received the study texts on 17th July...mind you I havent actually opened them properly yet but I shat myself when I realised that the big-fuck-off study text is duplex printed.... my brain can't handle that much information! Oh well. I might as well flunk in style.

sesquipedalian styles

I'm really bad at updating this blog thing aren't I?

Its not like anyone reads it anyway lol. So yes. What have I been up to since the 14th? Hmm. Good question. The short answer would be: Not much!

Went to York for a week, was interesting. Spoke to people I have not really spoken to whilst working side by side with them for over a year and witnessed a disturbing incident whilst at my best friends house - I had to phone an ambulance and everything! It also opened my eyes to the uncaring attitude of those in the medical profession. It wasn't pretty.

Anyway. Turns found out that I was with child. Don't worry the matter has since been resolved via medical means and I am no longer a carrier. Its been difficult actually, the mental turmoil one goes through. For that split moment in time, you're wrapped in fake attention then resentment because 1) you've just killed something 2) Abstinence and contraception lectures are abundant. It was horrid. And as you can tell, something which I dont really want to go into detail about.

SO yes. Back to the dating front...I'm going to hell. It looks like I'm seeing a married man. Am I selfish? Yes, Yes I am. Stupid? Definitely. Shallow? OH god yes. This man is HOT. He has no intention of leaving his other half. She lives up north, he works down south and conveniently, I'm down south (in more ways than one) And he's ever so lovely. Both he and I know its not a forever thing and we're using each other until someone better comes along... but its bad that I'm a moral disgrace.

Now I know how Angelina Jolie felt. Actually, its pretty good. NO! Damnit. ITs Wrong. I will stop it..eventually.

I'm a whore.

A wee update.

As you can probably tell, its been quiet on the dating front. I have to admit its not so "wild and kerraaaazy" like I thought it'd be. hmm.

A is definitely gone from the picture after a weird night following the last post. I had planned to spend the day with him on a Friday (booked a day off and EVERYTHING), the Thurs night went well...I thought. Dinner, some drinks and sat down to watch Only Fools and Horses with more drink and the dog (I love that dog, SO cute.) The morning after was a bit...odd. Not much talking until he decides to fix his kitchen cabinet...I helped him but he was having a few 'problems'. Now these problems seemed logical in my head. Unscrew this bit here, thread it through that bit, push in till it clicked and screw it back on and loosen the screw at the bottom and hey! Job done! But for some reason, he had a huge trouble with getting it through his head...being a girl I feigned ignorance for the first 20 minutes of holding the door up and watching him do 'try' to get the kitchen cabinet door on but on the 21st minute... my arms were starting to ache dammit. I 'suggested' in my saccharin sweet dulcet tones, the above solution to the problem to which he snapped 'It aint gonna work!' I shut up and left him to it but 33 minutes later (continuation to the 21 minutes) he was STILL struggling so I suggested it to him again to which his reply was the slightly aggressive 'If you think you can do it, I'd like to see you try!'

So I did. And it worked. It took every ounce of self control not to do the 'I told you so!' dance.

Perhaps I dented his male ego? Because straight after he got up got changed and ushered me out the door with 'Come on. Lets take you home' in slightly clipped tones. The journey home was the quietest ever with the only words uttered, being 'left', 'right'. 'turn here', '3rd turning on the roundabout' and 'its at the end of the road'.

The parting shot? 'K, I think you're too clever for me.' To which, I hopped out of the Vauxhall Astra van with a sourly look and slightly boggled outlook.

All this by 10.30am. So much for spending the day together eh?

Spring Rolling

Not to be outdone by pies, I've embarked on a culinary journey. This whole guilt thing is so over-rated. M has blocked me, A is ignoring me (I'm never drinking stupidly and sleeping at a boys house again, snoring is so NOT sexy) and T is presumed dead. Crap eh?

Watching the world go by...

....with a video cam in black and white. Experimenting with different settings and transparencies the result of which was really quite spectacular.

Appreciative of the deceptive beauty of rural areas when seen through different eyes - gave me the idea of applying the same concept in life.. A fresh approach almost, a new outlook, a better, more beautiful way of "seeing".

Today was the first day without M sitting next to me. Work felt slightly empty and just..blah. I've spent the last weekend making pies. Yes, Pies. Peach, Strawberry, Meringue, Lemon & Meringue - hell, I've made about 7 pies in total.

I bake when I'm depressed.

I even jogged (I know, movement right? Sheesh I must've been really depressed)

So yeah. No more A, at least he hasnt contacted me. Oh well. On to #5, P. But not for a couple weeks yet as he's off on holiday. Maybe A was just a little too country bumpkin for me? Who knows. Although I kinda enjoyed the whole simple life thing. Even if he was a bit of a chavcumcountrybumpkin.

Hm.

3rd date with A...was meant to go out for sushi at Yo Sushi! near the area of employment but he had to work late so I offered to bring the sushi to him :-) cos I'm such a nice person and am a delivery service. And also because I just really needed to feel relaxed after having such a horrible day.

Have to admit though, the initial giddy-ness once felt is being replaced by pangs of loneliness even when near him..? Its an odd sensation. Like, I want to hold his hand but am scared to... I dont know. His sleeping habits are weird as well, he's such a fidget! and he alternate between hot and cold every 20 minutes. I think at some point he forgot I was there because he went to the toilet and went back to his bedroom (I was in the spare room) and fell asleep with the dog. He only came back to me when he heard me move! But then he left me again to go back to his room cos he was cold lol. Hm. Its weird, I feel weird. I like being with him but I have nothin to say to him yet.

I think he's bored with me already.

Then again that could just be the paranoid girl thing talking.

Giddy-ness.

Its bad that its come to a point where I cant think without feeling giddy and butterflies all around the stomach... Am meeting A today near the station where I work for a dinner of sushi...

Progress...

So. On to #4. (Last Thursday) Lets call this one A. A's nice. Not really my type but there was something about him. We met up at SLP and had a drink where we decided 'hell, lets go bowling.'. I lost, big time! A sharing platter at Nando's and a couple more drinks later, it was time to go home... Now usually this would be the time when I'm arsefaced and unable to string a sentence together without slurring..but I was completely sober and had a good time. The date was so...nice and INNOCENT it was scarily good. I think I like this one.

So we decided for a second date on the Saturday. He took me to a nice country pub where I understandably got shitfaced and went back to his and raped him.

The morning after wasnt too bad either. We walked the dog early in the morning in a field halfway between our houses and shared a lovely passionate 'snog' when he dropped me off home.
I hope this one progresses into something good...

The first entry...

This is a strange time for me. I've had blogs in the past where I just ramble on nonsensically but this (as a promise to myself) will be a blog that makes a little bit of sense.

So anyway. I'm just going to throw you straight at the deep end of my life at the moment; I've taken it as a task to immerse myself into the world of dating - I got fed up of the guys that I usually go for so I thought; fuck it. Lets go away from the norm and do something "wild and kerrraaazy"

So yeah. I met this guy, lets call him J to protect his privacy. J seemed really up himself and my initial thoughts were 'What a c*nt' but the little was persistent, I give him that. Against my better judgement I met up with him for a drink. 5 pints and 6 cigarettes later I was hammered, missed my last train home and went back to J's flat.

Not the best idea I've had.

But hey it seemed to work because J and I saw each other for a couple months but it eventually fizzled out. We had nothing in common and his ongoing love affair with his Kona (a bike) was getting between us lol. He was a strange one. But boy did he fuck well. It ended on a sunny afternoon when I hung up on him for being an inconsiderate muppet 20 mins after leaving his flat subsequent to probably one of the best shagfests I have ever experienced.

Date #2 - We'll call this one A1. Jewish, nice guy, perfect in every way. Except when he spoke,... petty as it may seem, you havent heard this one talk. Its like.. a cross between a helium induced voice and a retarded American child from maybe Utah. Oh he was Canadian. Nothing wrong with Canadians at all. We met up at his place where he cooked me dinner. If he wasnt leaving (sorry, now left) then I would definitely have made something longterm. However as he was returning to the mother land in May (now gone) then there was no point. Its a shame though because he was really nice. Clean and big too.

Date #3 - We'll call this one Jimbob, nice lad from the sticks seemed normal at first but turned out to have a rather unhealthy obsession with lipgloss...